Five Shocking Reasons Relationships Fail

Being in a flourishing relationship or marriage is something we all desire. We long to enjoy life and share our feelings with that one special person we consider our number one in the world. Marriage is not merely a tradition, as some may believe; it is a lifestyle—a union where two people come together to live a life they both value. However, there are many challenges and storms along the way that can make these desires difficult to achieve. In fact, what is meant to bring joy and happiness often ends up causing suffering and pain. As a result, many are losing interest in marriage. Experiences and stories from friends and relatives create fear and doubt in the minds of those considering marriage, while those already married may find themselves living in frustration and regret. This leads to the common question: Is there such a thing as a peaceful and loving marriage? Is marriage merely a social invention to regulate human relations?

Many have struggled to find answers to these questions and more, only to end up with even more uncertainty. However, this article might provide the answers you've been searching for. I will address some of these questions and share five unexpected marriage killers. If you're serious about making your marriage work, you must identify these marriage killers and fight them with all your strength.

To begin, let’s address some of those questions. First, yes, peaceful marriages do exist! A peaceful marriage is not a fantasy—it is a reality. Thousands of people who desire it and practice the principles that make it work are living in peaceful marriages. Some have enjoyed such unions for over 60 years. Second, a peaceful marriage is not determined by race, tribe, religion, or educational background. It happens between two people who both desire peace and are committed to living a peaceful life together. Lastly, marriage is not a social invention. It is an ancient practice that can be traced back to the first humans, Adam and Eve, and throughout history, people have been marrying and living loving lives with their partners.

Now that we've addressed these questions, let’s get into the five marriage killers.

The number one killer of marriage is selfishness. There’s nothing more frustrating than putting all your energy into a relationship with someone who is selfish. Such a person will not value your effort, and they won’t care to reciprocate. They are always at the center of everything they do, caring little about their partner’s happiness. They share minimal information about their ambitions and carry an entitled mindset. No matter what you do, it’s never enough to satisfy them. They make decisions that are comfortable for them, even if it hurts their partner. Selfish people often care little about their children or family; their focus is solely on their own satisfaction. Such partners may cheat, hurt, or even destroy the relationship. If you are serious about your marriage, you must fight selfishness. Marriage is a union between two people who see themselves as one, so there must be selflessness and mutual commitment to make it work. If you recognize selfishness in yourself, it’s crucial to address it before it destroys your relationship.

Another marriage killer is insincerity. It’s surprising that many who desire a peaceful relationship are not sincere about it. They want the results but don’t live by the principles that create a successful marriage. Insincerity erodes trust, and without trust, abuse and breakup often follow. Insincere people rarely have stable relationships because they say one thing and do another, making them unpredictable, unaccountable, and unreliable. No matter how much the other partner tries, the relationship will often end in frustration because they feel uncomfortable, unsafe, and unappreciated. To build a strong relationship, you must fight insincerity and ensure transparency. This is also a red flag to watch for when considering a serious relationship.

A third marriage killer is lack of accountability. You should not enter into a relationship with someone who cannot be accountable to you, and if you struggle with accountability yourself, it’s likely a major source of tension. Some people say, "It’s my life; I can live it how I want," without realizing that their actions affect their partner. If you cannot be accountable, you have no business being married. Marriage requires that you consider the impact of your actions on your partner, and living life as if you’re independent can damage your relationship. If you react aggressively when your partner asks questions about your behavior, that’s a sign of trouble. Accountability is key to making a marriage work.

Arrogance is another major marriage killer. Some people are so arrogant that no one can talk to them or correct them. They are full of themselves, unyielding in their views, and refuse to admit fault. If they offend you—or you offend them—they expect you to apologize. Their irrationality and refusal to bend or listen make it difficult to maintain harmony. Arrogance is a significant issue that must be addressed. If you're considering a relationship with someone who exhibits these traits, take it as a red flag.

Lastly, lack of understanding is often the root of marital problems. While many believe love and feelings are the keys to a successful marriage, the truth is that understanding plays a more critical role. It’s easier to stay happy and live harmoniously with someone you understand than with someone you merely love. Understanding smooths out the relationship, reduces conflicts, and fosters a peaceful atmosphere. There is no alternative to mutual understanding. Without it, issues will arise frequently, and no matter how much effort you put in, the relationship may not work.

Now that I’ve highlighted these marriage killers, it’s time to tackle them. Don’t let them take over your marriage. Work on these issues personally and address them in your partner if necessary. Remember, marriage takes effort, and it only works for those willing to put in the work. I wish you love and peace in your marriage.

I look forward to reading your comments and reactions.